Your First Time to Grief Counselling

Going to grief counselling for the first time can be intimidating.

Old stereotypes and stigmas still float around. What is people think I’m crazy?

As a grief counsellor, I’d like to share a few things that are very common in the first session of grief counselling.

1. The Grief Story

   When people tell me the story of their loss for the first time, I would say about 70% of people’s stories do not follow a typical narration flow. They pinball all over the place: first talking about the deceased, then their work, then their cat, their feelings, the deceased, the car… and it’s often fast.

   This is normal! Grief takes your life stories and explodes it, so it is normal that you are left with story fragments, not a complete chronologically sound narration.

2. The Apology

   Invariably, about 20 minutes in, people apologize for “not making sense”. If it feels good to apologize because you are feeling awkward, you can, but there’s no need. Part of what grief counselling is about is helping you regain a sense of meaning to your storyline and putting the pieces back together.

3. The Tears

   Tears don’t always comes, but most of the time, particularly in the first session, tears often spring up. I keep a couple of tissue boxes strategically places around the office. I think the reason tears are most prevalent in the first session is because the client hasn’t had the opportunity to talk about their loss, so once the psyche gets the message that the person is safe to unload, the emotions spring forth. Please do not worry about this. I know that some people worry that if they start crying or screaming they will never stop. Instead, perhaps it’s time to let what is inside come forth so that you do not have to work so hard holding so much in.

4. The Relief

   I have yet to have a client not feel better after telling their grief story to me. In fact, often, sleep improves and nightmares dissipate once the story is told in its entirety. Plus, when you share your grief, it becomes bearable.

It is really hard to do anything "wrong” in grief counselling, short of trying to physically harm me or make a sexual pass at me, neither of which has ever happened to me. Everything else just informs me of how distressing the loss is.

You are worthy of support. If you do not have enough support in your social circle, I am here for you. Learn more about “What Is Grief Counseling?” on our blog page today!