Talking to Children About Death and Loss

Talking to children about death and loss is one of the most difficult conversations a parent or caregiver may face. Whether the loss is of a family member, friend, pet, or public figure, children experience grief in ways that are unique to their stage of development. At Authentic Living London, we know these conversations can be overwhelming, and many families turn to therapy for grief or psychotherapy for guidance. This blog offers compassionate, age-specific advice to help you support your child while caring for your own mental health.

Why Talking About Death Matters

Children are naturally curious, and when they sense something has changed in their world, they look to adults for answers. Avoiding the topic can lead to confusion, anxiety, or even feelings of guilt. Honest, age-appropriate conversations help children understand what has happened, feel safe asking questions, and develop healthy coping skills. If you feel unsure about how to talk to your child, a mental health professional can help you prepare and navigate these moments.

How to Prepare for the Conversation

Before speaking with your child, take a moment to reflect on your own feelings. Children notice both words and body language, so being emotionally grounded will help them feel secure.

Consider:

• Using clear and simple language

• Being honest while avoiding unnecessary detail

• Allowing space for silence so your child can process

• Having comforting physical contact available, like holding their hand or sitting beside them

It is also helpful to anticipate questions they may ask, such as:

1. "Why did they die?"

Children often want to understand the cause of death.

Helpful answer:

• For young children: “Their body stopped working, and they could not live anymore.”

• For older children: “They were very sick, and the doctors could not make them better. When a body stops working completely, the person dies.”

  
  

2. "Where did they go?"

This question often reflects a child’s spiritual or practical curiosity.

Helpful answer:

• For young children: “When someone dies, they do not live in their body anymore. Some people believe their spirit goes to a special place like heaven. Others believe they stay in our hearts and memories forever.”

• For older children: “Different people have different beliefs about what happens after death. In our family, we believe ____. What matters most is that we remember and love them.”

3. "Will you die too?"

This question is about safety and security.

Helpful answer:

• “Everyone dies someday, but I plan to be here for a very long time. I take care of my body and try to stay healthy. You are safe with me right now.”

4. "Was it my fault?"

Children sometimes feel responsible for a death, especially if they had an argument with the person or wished something bad would happen.

Helpful answer:

• “No, it was not your fault. Nothing you said, thought, or did caused them to die.”

5. "Can we see them again?"

Helpful answer:

• “We cannot see them in person anymore, but we can keep remembering them, look at photos, tell stories, and feel close to them in our hearts.”

6. "Why are you crying?"

Children may notice your emotions and seek reassurance.

Helpful answer:

• “I’m crying because I miss them and feel sad. It’s okay to cry when we lose someone. It helps our hearts heal.”

  
  

  You do not need to have perfect answers. What matters most is responding with honesty, empathy, and reassurance.

Grief Therapist, Gabrielle Ferguson, gives a few tips on talking to kids about death.

How to Answer Common Questions

When answering questions, keep the following in mind:

1. Be honest, but age-appropriate. Use direct words like "died" instead of vague phrases such as "went to sleep," which can confuse or frighten children.

2. Offer reassurance about safety. If your child is worried about their own life or yours, explain that most people live a long time and that you are healthy right now.

3. Normalize feelings. Let them know it is okay to feel sad, angry, confused, or even to laugh when remembering happy times.

4. Encourage more questions. Children often revisit the topic over time as they grow and understand more. Let them know they can ask you anything, even if they have already asked before.

Talking About Death and Loss by Age Group

Toddlers and Preschoolers (Ages 2–5)

Young children do not fully understand that death is permanent. They may ask the same questions repeatedly as they process the idea.

• Use clear, simple language: "Grandma died. Her body stopped working and she cannot come back."

• Answer questions directly, even if they seem repetitive.

• Offer comfort through routine and physical closeness.

• Use books and simple drawings to help explain concepts.

  
  

Early School Age (Ages 6–9)

Children in this stage begin to understand death is final but may still believe it can be reversed or avoided through certain actions.

• Explain the biological reality in a simple way: "When someone dies, their body stops working and they cannot feel anything anymore."

• Expect questions about where the person is now. Share your beliefs or cultural traditions honestly.

• Allow them to participate in memorial activities if they want to, such as drawing a picture, writing a letter, or attending a ceremony.

Preteens (Ages 10–12)

Preteens understand the permanence of death and may start thinking about spiritual, moral, or philosophical questions.

• Be prepared for deep and sometimes challenging questions about why death happens.

• Offer honest answers, and if you do not know, say so. You can explore the answer together.

• Encourage open discussion about feelings and provide outlets such as journaling, sports, or art.

Teenagers (Ages 13–18)

Teens think about death in more adult terms but may still struggle with emotions and existential fears.

• Give them space to express themselves in their own way, which may not always involve talking.

• Respect their need for privacy while gently checking in on how they are doing.

• Validate their emotions and avoid minimizing their experience.

• Offer therapy for grief if they seem withdrawn, angry, or unable to cope over time.

When to Consider Therapy for Grief

While grief is a natural part of life, some children may struggle more than others. You may want to consider psychotherapy if your child:

• Has ongoing difficulty sleeping or eating

• Shows changes in mood or school performance

• Withdraws from friends and activities

• Becomes overly fearful about death and safety

At Authentic Living London, our therapists provide compassionate, evidence-based grief support for children, teens, and adults. We offer both in-person therapy in London Ontario and virtual sessions across the province.

Final Thoughts on Talking to Children About Death

Talking to children about death and loss is not a one-time conversation. It is an ongoing process that changes as they grow and understand more about life and death. By answering their questions honestly, offering reassurance, and providing consistent emotional support, you help them build resilience in the face of loss.

If you feel unsure about what to say or want extra support for your child and family, Authentic Living London is here to help. Our experienced therapists can guide you through these conversations and provide the tools you need to support healthy grieving.

Book a session today to learn more about how we can help your family navigate grief with care, compassion, and understanding.